Official Luthiers Forum!

I feel the need to lighten the mood around here by making fun of the folks who pay us. Who's up for it?

I remember a bunch who misspoke or lacked understanding over the years in the store. It will probably take me awhile to dredge them all up.

At the height of the hair metal era, a kid came in with his guitar wanting "some hot pickups and a screaming bar" for his guitar. A WHAT? I finally figured out the kid wanted a Floyd Rose installed on his wretched little Teisco Del Ray. His face fell when I told him that not only was it going to cost a small fortune, but installing a Floyd on his Teisco was basically going to destroy it. I told him to save his money and buy a nice Ibanez or Fender off the floor with a whammy already installed. A year later, he did and loved it.

A teen came in with his P-bass copy and asked to have "his aperture adjusted". His face changed when I told him a camera had an aperture, but not his bass. "My friend said it needed to be adjusted because it was hard to play". OH. "You mean truss rod". As it turns out, the neck was straight, but the action was fairly high at the bridge. 5 minutes later I sent him off to lessons with a smile on his face.

A parent had purchased a worn out LP copy for his student at a pawn shop - paying way too much. The teacher told the kid to bring it me after his lesson to check it out. The tuners were shot, the bridge was eaten away by acid, it needed a new jack, etc. I quoted a price for new stuff, and his dad just blew up. "I bought that from so-and-so pawn and they told me it needed nothing". I stared at him for awhile and finally said, "You know they're called "gyp joints" for a reason". I sent him to our rental manager and the kid rented a nice Fender to learn on.

Another student, this time with a cheap acoustic. He wanted it tuned, so I tuned it up for him while he watched. Dad came in complaining, "Why can't they make these guitars stay in tune from the factory?". I turned to him and asked if he changed the tires and plugs on his car when they wore out. "Of course" he practically snorted. I said nothing while I continued to play. It took about 10 seconds for the light to dawn in Dad's brain. "Oh".

While her student was in lessons, a mother wandered the sales floor looking at guitars. She stopped in front a highly flamed Les Paul. "What's wrong with that wood?" "Nothing, it's gorgeous". She didn't understand, but looked at me for more... "It's highly figured and rare - very desirable". "It's not... broken?". I took pity on her. "Ma'am, that's a two thousand dollar guitar. It's not broken".

Let's hear your stuff.

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"Act your age, not your shoe size" - Prince

I'll tell two. They both involve my wife, not a customer. She walked into the shop one day while I was setting a neck. I had taken some angle measurements and written things down on a pad, trying to figure out just how much to take of the bottom of the heel. She looked at the pad and said "you're using math?"

She looked over my shoulder at this thing and said "looks like that combines the worst of a ukulele with everything tha'ts wrong with a banjo"



I didn't offer to play it for her.

So she wasn't wrong.... either time.

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"Act your age, not your shoe size" - Prince

Some guy called me at 3 am back in the late 70's. I am sure he was high on something. He asked if I would inlay his extracted wisdom teeth into his fretboard for position markers. I needed the work, but I turned down that job.

Where do I start lol

I don't get alot of dumb stuff so much as tragic stuff where someone attempted their own repair and made things much much worse.

A recent one. Gentleman asks for the action to be 1/64 at both the low E and the high E on his acoustic so he could "get his bluegrass licks on". I politely declined the job.

Another one where a client wanted a "full restoration" which included according to him "replacing the top neck and back of the guitar and restoring it to original condition" I replied "wouldn't that make the only original parts of the guitar the sides?" What i didn't realize was that the instrument in question was an L50 that legitimately needed all those parts replaced from a car accident. I informed him it was totaled and he seemed to accept it.

A tragic one. A customer brought in a much maligned 1933 L00. He informed me he just got it back from a neck reset and wanted it setup. However the neck reset was not good and it needed to be reset properly. I informed him of this and he asked if I could just shave the saddle down. I explained that that wouldn't fix the problem and he left a little upset. I felt a little bad for the guy.

Keep 'em coming.

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"Act your age, not your shoe size" - Prince

Fellow classical builder in Idaho, who is highly accomplished, built a no- holds-barred guitar for a customer in San Francisco. Customer wanted every bit of bling he could convince the builder to add, though the builder stayed within the bounds of "normal" classical bling. His requests for changes extended past the beginning of the build, which the builder had to put a stop to. It had very tasteful woods, purfling and an elegant, exquisite rosette. Customer wanted a custom BAM case and custom Rogers tuners. I saw and briefly played this guitar--it was flawless and a work of art. On delivery, customer told the builder that he knew too much about guitars to be able to accept it. No further explanation. Luckily, the builder didn't have to eat the $3,000 cost of the case and tuners.

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formerly known around here as burbank
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http://www.patfosterguitars.com

That square thing (bridge) is crooked.

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wah
Wah-wah-wah-wah
Wah

I remember a guy who expressed interest in the OMs I was building at the time. He was off to his weekly jam night and asked to take a completed one that I kept in the shop as a demonstrator model along to put it through its paces. I said yes.

A few hours later the phone rings and it’s the fella telling me he’s having an absolute blast with the axe and all his jam buddies agree it’s a real player. He asks to be reminded of the price and I quote him the (very modest) price I was charging at the time minus a 20% discount for it not being brand new.

“What?!” he cries. “You’re kidding me. This guitar has SERIOUS ISSUES.” He doesn’t elaborate, hangs up without saying another word and has a mutual acquaintance return the guitar.

Paranoid, I double check the guitar but action, relief, intonation etc are all good. There’s no cracks or damage, not even any significant scratches in the finish.

Nice to know you'll never see his smiling face again. Don't let the door hit you on the a**.

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Peter Havriluk

I was building a guitar for a guy once who I swear must have been reading Somogyi's book at the time. He kept trying to micromanage every part of the build based on what he read and would send me articles from Somogyi. There were so much dumb stuff said I cannot even account for all of it. Most of it was misinterpretation from what Somogyi said. I finally sent the guitar off to him and he returned it during the 3 day trial period saying basically that the guitar was too good and didn't have the sound that his ear was looking for. I just gave him a full refund because I never wanted to hear from the guy again. I think maybe he had like OCD or some personality disorder or something so I try not to be mean but he was a total PIA. I ended up selling the guitar in one week to someone who greatly appreciated it. In fact it got me to thinking I would never do commissioned work again but alas I am back at it.

In the insurance business I think this is called 'adverse selection'. In guitars, somebody who can't be pleased with factory offerings manages to inflict himself on a luthier...

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Peter Havriluk

Years ago when I still lived in the city I worked out of my garage which opened right onto to sidewalk, no setback. When doing dusty stuff id open the roller door to get some ventilation. Some guy walked past and saw me sanding a body. I was facing away from the roller door. He walked right in off the street and leaned against the work bench and started talking at me.

I say “at me” instead of “to me” because no matter what I said, he’d nod as if taking it on board and then just keep on with whatever internal script he had as if I’d said nothing at all.

Still, he seemed keen on custom guitars so I thought maybe he’d become a customer. Eventually he said he wanted something built and laid out his vision:

A nylon strung, Torres-style fan braced DREADNOUGHT.

I declined the commission.

Had to smile at this. Customer asked be for a nylon strung fan braced Jumbo guitar - here he is with it,

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The name catgut is confusing. There are two explanations for the mix up.

Catgut is an abbreviation of the word cattle gut. Gut strings are made from sheep or goat intestines, in the past even from horse, mule or donkey intestines.

Otherwise it could be from the word kitgut or kitstring. Kit meant fiddle, not kitten.

Cool looking axe! How’s it sound?

Precisely.

Do you know that Larry Robinson grew up very close to you, in Tariffville/Simsbury?
He grew up across the street from my wife's Aunt and Uncle.

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"I want to know what kind of pickups Vince Gill uses in his Tele, because if I had those, as good of a player as I am, I'm sure I could make it sound like that.
Only badly."

Okay, I've got one...

The music store I do work for sent me a kit telecaster for a set up. I noticed that the owner of the guitar knew enough to drill holes through the body of the guitar to string it through. But they didn't realize a person could put ferrules in. Fair enough, no big deal. I talked him through what would be involved in installing ferrules and got the go ahead. This morning I began taking the guitar apart so I could set the body on the drill press and drill my holes. I took the screws out of the neck joint and to my delight the neck wouldn't budge. So I phoned the guy and asked him if he had glued the neck in, he said maybe.

I can still get my job done. But thought it was worth a share.

You didn't try loosening the neck, just to see how well he'd done?

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"Act your age, not your shoe size" - Prince

We feel for ya Conor. We will not work on parts guitars unless 1) it's all assembled already and has strings on it we can evaluate it for set-up and 2) it has been properly assembled and does not represent massive scope creep and is impossible to quote accurately with the client standing right there.

We turn away most of the parts guitars that come our way also because the parts makers always lie and stuff does not fit as billed.

Anyway that's us, we are liability adverse and only work on stuff we have experience with and can accurately forecast outcomes.

Customer dropped off a guitar last week. As I was looking it over on the main bench so I could give her an estimate she was glancing around the workshop, at the table saw, various sanding machines, jointer etc, the stacks of wood and the two partially built acoustic guitars on another bench. She ran her finger across the top of the counter an examined it critically.

In a disapproving voice she said “did you know it is VERY DUSTY in here?”

Best belly laugh I've had in a long time!

Haha, thoroughly!

I can definitely understand that, and more and more I'm telling clients at the outset that the cost of assembling their parts is however many hours it ends up taking, it's never just a set up, and that more often than not there will be annoying (for me, but maybe a fun challenge for them) surprises. In this case, I saw a telecaster in front of me with 4 screws and a neckplate, I anticipated the rest of the surprises that day, but who knew someone would shoot for double redundancy on something so tried and true.

This guy wasn't a customer... I bought an electric guitar off a guy advertised locally on CL. It needed work, so I talked him down $50. The next day the guy called me back and said "I sold that guitar too cheaply to you. Will you come back and give me the other $50?".

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"Act your age, not your shoe size" - Prince

Our clients never say anything dumb and are always right.............

Like the guy who calls me up and says that he was banned from Elderly Instruments. So I banned him from our place too on that very call and he wrote a bad review about me. So I tore him a new one in my reply to the review which is considered bad form. We have had dozens of clients tell us that they knew they had to come to us when they read the bad review and then read the passion that I displayed in tearing the mouth breather a new one for all to see. I used his real name too. Two way street...... it is and we don't take BS from anyone.

I think that Chris may agree with me but not only is the client not always right they are wrong a goodly percentage of the time..... and that's our value-add to be a source accurate information.